Anyone with a dog or cat can relate to this:

Seen on Craigslist.

The Dog’s Diary

• 8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
• 9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
• 9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
• 10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
• 12:00 PM – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
• 1:00 PM – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
• 3:00 PM – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
• 5:00 PM – Dinner! My favorite thing!
• 7:00 PM – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
• 8:00 PM – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
• 11:00 PM – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat’s Diary

• Day 983 of my captivity.
• My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
• They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
• The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities.
• However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Fools!
• There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
• Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
• I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
• The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

Until next time ~ Danita

  The girls

Sign us on at some base salary — let’s say $25,000. But we can increase our take-home by documenting events from the following list. Teachers would get paid for every occurrence of the event, not just one time.

Staff Meeting $200

Fire Drill $150

Being pulled out of class to attend a meeting $500

Receiving a new child any day after the first day of class $1,000
– if they don’t speak English $2,500

Parent conference — on the phone $100
Parent conference — in person $300
Parent conference – w/ irate or irrational parent $750

Administering a standardized test $250 per child

Child talking back $25

Child cussing at you $75

Child flipping you the bird $50

Child giving you the RING finger and then saying, “What?!? It’s not the middle finger! I never flipped the bird at you!!” $49.50

Child whining, “They’re skipping!” $25

Child disrespecting your clothes $10

Child disrespecting your hair $15

Child disrespecting your car $20

Child disrespecting yo momma $150

Child threatening to harm you $500

Child throwing and hitting you with:
an eraser $100
a crayon $200
a pencil/pen $500
a book $1,200
the student next to them $7,500

Child slapping you $2,000

Child punching you $5,000

Child kicking you $4,000

Too funny! Just when we needed it most – with testing stress all around us. Gotta love this guy! John Pearson is selling his book, LEARN Me Good on Amazon- I promise I’m not getting a kick back but that is an idea…..

Until next time ~ Danita

Flickr Why We Like Kids?